Mashed Potatoes and Gravy...

In the last few weeks I've been reminded of Mom.  I made a Sunday dinner with mashed potatoes and gravy.  The gravy is Mom's recipe.  The first bite I had, I closed my eyes and for the moment I was at her dining room table and she was behind me in her kitchen dishing up her own plate.  It was so real.  The flashback was like in the movie Ratatouille when Anton Ego takes his first bite and the scene takes us to his childhood with his mother in the kitchen.

Gwenyth and I had a date night together and she chose to eat at Red Lobster.  The last time we were there was when Mom was sick, but before hospice.  I looked back at the booth where we all sat.  I wanted to be in that moment again, I wanted to see her sitting across from me again.

Today I took the kids to the Ordway Theater in St. Paul to watch The Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra.  The last time I was there was when we (Mom, Dad, Bernadette, Elisabeth, and myself) walked through a huge snow storm to go watch "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."  Mom and Dad thought that they were going to be going on their own, a gift from us.  My sisters flew into Minnesota and we surprised them the night before the show.  That was the last time that all 5 of us were together before Mom was diagnosed.  I looked at where we sat in the theater and again, I wanted to be in that moment with Mom.  I wanted to be at the hotel with my sisters giggling before we surprised them, at the pub eating dinner, and back at the show enjoying one of our favorite musicals together.

While my memories make me wish that I could go back in time, I remember the message at Mom's service.  Mom isn't gone...her spirit and her love lives here forever.  I know that her spirit and love lives on because I feel it every day.  It's the physical that's missing.  The song that Mom chose for her "celebration" was "This World Is Not My Home" (see lyrics below) which was another lesson from my Mom.  Mom passed through and we don't belong here, physically, forever.  We all are passing through and one day will be together again.  While I can wish that I could go back to those moments, living on with everything that Mom has left and leaving behind our presence and love is what we are supposed to do as we pass through this world.  Myself and everyone who eats my cooking certainly can enjoy Mom's love in my mashed potatoes and gravy...correction, Mom's mashed potatoes and gravy.  And when I have these memories, these moments of going back in time in my mind, I will smile and welcome them.  I never want them to end as long as I am in this world, this world that lingers of Mom's love everywhere.

This World Is Not My Home

This world is not my home I'm just passing through my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymoreO Lord you know I have no friend like you if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do? the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore They're all expecting me and that's one thing I know my savior pardoned me and now I onward go I know He'll take me through though I am weak and poor and I can't feel at home in this world anymoreO Lord you know I have no friend like you if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do? the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore Just up in Glory Land we'll live eternally the Saints on every hand are shouting victory their song of sweetest praise drifts back from Heaven's shore and I can't feel at home in this world anymoreO Lord you know I have no friend like you if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do? the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore