I had a really enjoyable Mother's Day today. It was wonderful to get to relax, play, and enjoy real quality family time. In the back of my head I was working up what I was feeling, what I had to say to my Mom for the day. I'm thankful that I had the strength to enjoy Gwenyth and Rory, it wouldn't be fair to them if I didn't.
This early evening after all of my special events that were planned out for me from breakfast to singing, flowers to crafts, and art projects to a picnic, I was able to sit down and say something special to my Mom.
I hopped online and sent her the message on Facebook. For a few moments while typing, I asked myself if I really thought that Mom was checking her Facebook from Heaven. Well...not exactly, I guess. So why did I post on her board, why did I repost on my own? I'm no psychologist so I can't tell you what's going on inside my head, but I find myself doing it because it feels good in my heart. I mean, why do I spend my time blogging about her? Or about anthing else that I say out loud? Because for years, since the 6th grade at least, I've found my outlet in writing. I write privately too, but to shout it out on the rooftops the immense love that I have for my Mom is nothing that I want to keep from my family and friends. So while some people may wonder why people who've lost someone do shout-outs on forums, blogs, Facebook, it's because it feels good inside us and hopefully our words can help someone else feel good inside them. I hope that sharing my feelings of love will help spread love, spread the love that my Mom had and that she taught me.
And today this is what I had to share:
Hiya Mamma. Justin and the kids went all out for me today to celebrate Mother's Day. I got to sleep in for a bit, Gwenyth gently woke me up and asked if Rory could come into the bedroom, of course. So Rory came marching in with his performing hat on and playing his plastic coffee canister "drum" using a sand shovel to bang on it all while singing as loud as he can. It was a perfect way to get out of bed. I remember how you got me out of bed, "Daylight in the swamp!" or your singing, "Good morning, good morning, to you!" ...okay okay, so if that didn't work I got a good ol', "Anne Kathryn!" I don't forget you waking me up because I was quite the one to sleep in so you did it....A LOT. So I came out into the living room where Gwenyth sang a song that she wrote especially for me, it was beautiful. Then I got to open all of these perfect handmade cards and crafts from both Gwenyth and Rory. Gwenyth brought her at-school project ideas home for Rory to do for me, she's such a mother in the making herself. She made me a card, wrote beautifully for me (I cried), and I opened a pretty pansy plant in a Gwenyth-decorated flower pot. I remembered the sunshine that I made for you in about the 3rd grade...you had it hanging over the kitchen sink in Isanti for a long time. As she gave me her perfect crafts and art projects, I remembered so many of the things that I made for you and I know that I put all of my heart in them. I'm not nearly as talented as Gwenyth is so it sure means a lot knowing that you still loved my mediocre art. Justin topped off the morning with roses from him, tulips from the kids, bacon and homemade pancakes, your recipe, the best! We had a picnic too. What a beautiful day that I got to spend with my family. I miss you so much too. I remember last Mother's Day very well and we knew it was our last one with you. It breaks my heart that I don't get to see you this year for the special day where I celebrate you, my Mom. This is the last official holiday of "firsts" without you and every single one of them has been hard, very hard. I don't miss you any less and even without you here, I love you more every day. Happy Mother's Day, Mommy. xoxoxo
