Every once in a while I get phone calls from Gwenyth's biological father. The longest break from hearing from him was for about 2 years; when Gwenyth was 3 or so. I thought that I'd never hear from him again. But I did and I have plenty of times since. Until Justin adopts Gwenyth, he still has rights and should have the ability to contact us, so the writing goes. He usually doesn't have much to say...mostly he doesn't want to pay child support. I never expect the court-ordered $50/month, nor do I ever see it...well, maybe $6 here or $17 there. This time, though, he sounded different. He B.S-ed for a while and I finally asked him what was going on. I asked about his parents (knowing that his Dad was getting pretty old) and that was exactly "it." His Dad had passed away a couple of weeks ago. He knew that my Mom had passed and I knew his Dad...so maybe this is what he wanted to talk about?? My heart was sad for him that out of all the people in his life, that me, his displaced "baby-mamma" is who he had to reach out to. I've never really felt bad for him...his path is what he chose for himself with the decisions that he made, but he didn't decide for his Dad to pass away. So I felt sadness.
He talked about the final few months of his Dad who was in his 80's or possibly even his 90's. He was a healthy man for his age, but had had a stroke and wasn't brought to the hospital right away and it all went down hill from there. He was able to visit him often in the nursing home and although his Dad was confused as to where he was, he appreciated his son's company and the food that he brought him. I took a turn and told him the one story that I had for him about his Dad and it made him laugh in acknowledgement that it sounded just like him.
The conversation was different. I can't say that I enjoyed it, but I can't say that I didn't. I knew who this person was...a 30-something kid who lost a parent...it was me a few months back. Lost, sad, confused, mad, astonished, not knowing what was next, not knowing what to do next.
The topic shifted and he apologized for the past. Then he had to get off the phone. He called back when it was family/dinner time so I concluded the conversation and told him I was sorry about his Dad and then it was over.
He texted later, asked about Gwenyth, I sent him an updated picture. He responded that it made him cry. ...he came to realization that he didn't even know her. This was his decision, though, and absolutely his loss. I'd cry too if I didn't know her because she's so much to me and I'm the luckiest person in the world to have her in my life. So I got to thinking of who she is. And this is what I came up with (plus so much more)-
Gwenyth Isis is-
She is my daughter.
She is my heart.
She is more like my oldest sister than me at times. Reserved. I don’t understand it, really...how did that happen? She’s an outgoing person when comfortable with us, then shy and passive around others. Maybe that’s like...him......
She loves to sing and dance. She has good pitch and with some lessons will be a good singer. Her dancing is a little awkward…again, how did that happen?
She knows more musicals than the average adult. She knows all the songs to the musicals too.
She’s not into sports like I thought she would be (yet). Swimming she likes. She cheers for the Vikings.
She is a hard worker and always a good helper. She always helps Grampa in the garden and around the yard up north…she often works for a fee :-) .
She is an artist. Her drawing amazes me.
She loves to knit and is excited to learn how to sew.
She is an entrepreneur. She has great ideas to sell her art-work and she is willing to work to make a buck.
She is a saver. She saved all of her money from all birthdays for the longest time. Her original plan was to save for a car, but once she was interested in gadgets, her focus switched. She has purchased an iPod (w/a little help) and even her own computer. She was able to afford a computer because she asked for gift cards for her birthday and nothing else.
She is very driven.
She has a big heart.
She is a very good, no…AMAZING big sister, the best.
She can get an attitude…but what little girl doesn’t. The attitude only shows up really when she is tired or simply needs a change of scenery.
She isn’t the most popular girl, but I don’t expect or want her to be. We've learned that little popular girls in the 3rd grade = mean/judgemental and everything that Gwenyth is not (everything that I don't want her to be).
She is so smart. Not the top in her class, but she could be. When she gets things wrong on her school work, it’s not because she doesn’t know how to do it, it’s because she goes too fast or doesn’t read all the directions or misses a step. Math is her forte…she loves to read.
She is my everything. She saved me.
She made me strong.
She changed me. I was tough before her and tried to be strong or pretended to be strong….but she….she is what really made me strong.
She changed me.
She is why I succeeded in school and in my career.
She gave me life. A goal. A reason.
Our own lives should be reason enough, right? Well, they should be, but until her...honestly...that wasn’t true for me. She helped me learn that my life is reason enough and I have even more reason with her in it.
And then, before I knew it…My life went from 2 reasons to 4!
4 amazing and wonderful people, our modern family.
Because of - Gwenyth Isis.
