June 2012 was quite the month. I had the most unbelievable wedding and it was so beautiful and I'm so in love with my husband. Everything went perfectly. I'm so excited to move forward in my marriage and for our family to continue to grow (that's not a hint that we're expecting, we're not). I'm just excited for our today and for our future.
Every single day, though, I remember and think of my Mom. June 7, 2012 which was my Grandmother's birthday, Mom passed. She danced away wearing red in my dream just moments before. I miss my Mommy so much. It's been since her funeral that I've cried a good cry...until right now. I look at her picture every day....I call the house so that I can hear her voice on the voicemail. And she was truly the best. I hadn't blogged about Mom's illness because I was respecting her wishes and the way that she chose to fight her battle. Mom was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in March or April of 2011. The cancer had metastasized to other organs and Mom chose to treat the cancer with chemotherapy, which was her only option. She also chose to battle the illness with a positive attitude, some would call it denial, but it was something else so much more, it was a something that I don't know if I can describe, but Mom taught it to me from that Spring until the very last day this June. You see, I thought that we should have talked more openly about the cancer, but we hardly, if ever, spoke a word of it. Mom taught me that life is more enjoyable when you can go to the grocery store in your hometown and live life as usual, that life is more enjoyable when you celebrate holidays in the moment and as usual, that life is more enjoyable when we go fishing, out to eat, to a concert, and live life w/out negativity. That's how she did it and she had doctor appointments on certain days of the week, sure......but her time outside of the doctor was happiness and life that she continued to live. ...and live she did!! She fought the battle and survived for over a year to see Rory be born and to see Arthur be born and to help me dress shop for my wedding and to travel to Germany and to make many more pies and many more spaghetti dinners and I love her even more for that. My Mom was the best woman in my life.
I've experienced losing someone before, Grandparents, friends, special pets...but nobody so close. It pretty much ...sucks. In the most crappiest moment in life, my Mom pulled through for me. No matter where she was in her journey to heaven, she pulled through for me. As a person's health deteriorates, they change. My Mom went through those changes. I visited every weekend and I had 3-day weekends so it was nice. Each visit was different. My visits and moments with my Mom are all a blessing in each their own. I am going to share my journey in my upcoming blogs. For me, for you, and mostly for my Mom. I love and miss my Mom with all of my heart. I wish that my next visit home, I'd see her like always..........I wish...............
My heart is broken and yet so full. This is how it feels.
